A HOT NEW ARTIST FOR LISTENING PURPOSES

Put down the lard; I've got important news.

I have found the NEW HOT ARTIST™ of Month #8/9 of 2009. This dude is so new and hot, I found him using my heat-seeking music missiles. Does your mom know about him? No, your mom does not know about him. Will listening to him make you cooler than your mom? Yes, listening to my NEW HOT ARTIST™ will make you a million times cooler than your mom (unless you’re like my friend Paul D., whose mom, affectionately known as Mrs. D., was the coolest mom in school. Man, if you were over at Paul’s house and you really needed to fart, you should just let that thing rip! Mrs. D. wouldn’t care; in fact, she’d probably out-fart you. And while you choked through her noxious fart, you’d have to give her props. And then, just when you thought she couldn’t get any cooler, Mrs. D. started throwing the bitchingest parties this side of Michael Vick’s inaugural DOG FIGHTING IS APPARENTLY ILLEGAL, YOU GUYS blowout. Or at least I heard they were that insanely bitching. I was too busy sitting at home, blogging to try to put food on the table for my old, indigent parents. 😡 High school sucked.). Will knowing about this dude make your girlfriend love you more (sorry, Marquis, but  heteronormativity and gender-neutral language be damned)? Sorry bud, that ship sailed long ago. But don’t let me kill you with the suspense. You need to know all about the NEW HOT ARTIST™.

Wh0 is….

VAMPIRE WEEKEND COLDPLAY WALE BOYZ II MEN DISCOVERY ROYKSOPP!!!!

JUSTIN BEIBER.

I was just chillin out with my Dell*, and I stumbled upon** this hot youtube vid of my little bro*** singing about this bitching (but not Mrs. D. bitching) party he was throwing at his bff Usher’s house. The words made my heart bounce, the tune made my booty rock, and JB’s moves made me think I could dance worth a damn. Srsly, dude, throwing up an upside-down peace sign is so before you were born, and not in a cool way. Anyway, this is giving “I Gotta Feelin'” a serious run for its BEST SONG OF SUMMER 09 money. Jock these jams, ya’ll!

One Time – Justin Bieber (YSI)

*Don’t actually have a Dell

**Don’t actually use Stumble

***Not my little brother