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Put down the lard; I've got important news.

I have found the NEW HOT ARTIST™ of Month #8/9 of 2009. This dude is so new and hot, I found him using my heat-seeking music missiles. Does your mom know about him? No, your mom does not know about him. Will listening to him make you cooler than your mom? Yes, listening to my NEW HOT ARTIST™ will make you a million times cooler than your mom (unless you’re like my friend Paul D., whose mom, affectionately known as Mrs. D., was the coolest mom in school. Man, if you were over at Paul’s house and you really needed to fart, you should just let that thing rip! Mrs. D. wouldn’t care; in fact, she’d probably out-fart you. And while you choked through her noxious fart, you’d have to give her props. And then, just when you thought she couldn’t get any cooler, Mrs. D. started throwing the bitchingest parties this side of Michael Vick’s inaugural DOG FIGHTING IS APPARENTLY ILLEGAL, YOU GUYS blowout. Or at least I heard they were that insanely bitching. I was too busy sitting at home, blogging to try to put food on the table for my old, indigent parents. >:( High school sucked.). Will knowing about this dude make your girlfriend love you more (sorry, Marquis, but  heteronormativity and gender-neutral language be damned)? Sorry bud, that ship sailed long ago. But don’t let me kill you with the suspense. You need to know all about the NEW HOT ARTIST™.

Wh0 is….

VAMPIRE WEEKEND COLDPLAY WALE BOYZ II MEN DISCOVERY ROYKSOPP!!!!

JUSTIN BEIBER.

I was just chillin out with my Dell*, and I stumbled upon** this hot youtube vid of my little bro*** singing about this bitching (but not Mrs. D. bitching) party he was throwing at his bff Usher’s house. The words made my heart bounce, the tune made my booty rock, and JB’s moves made me think I could dance worth a damn. Srsly, dude, throwing up an upside-down peace sign is so before you were born, and not in a cool way. Anyway, this is giving “I Gotta Feelin’” a serious run for its BEST SONG OF SUMMER 09 money. Jock these jams, ya’ll!

One Time – Justin Bieber (YSI)

*Don’t actually have a Dell

**Don’t actually use Stumble

***Not my little brother

A big van for big trees...Not even my thought.

Good music is hard to come by.  At least that’s what I tell myself, and that’s the excuse I offer to fans of the Animal Show, scratching by their days without hearing so much as a blimper (blog-whimper) from us.  And, for that one fan that still remains (you know who you are), I can only offer one question: Who could come up with the idea to parallel aging, off-blood colored vans with trees?  To me, the answer is clear: this must be the work of hippies, for who else would love the environment enough to make it the mascot of their existence (big tree), then defecate over it daily by using an elderly behemoth for transportation?  And behold, the creators of such an idea:

As the file finished uploading, the computer said it was "crunching." Funny to me at least.

The picture you see above captures the band “Big Tree” in its element, staring absent-mindedly into the camera, wearing varying shades of lumberjack plaid before a campfire.  Oh, they’re in a forest, too.  Further evidence of their hippie-dom that’s not made entirely obvious by the picture (but certainly not excluded from the realm of possibilities) is that they all met at Sarah Lawrence College, dispelling the doubt I had that this group of tent-toting tree huggers could be from Brooklyn, NY.

Now, I don’t actually hate hippies.  At least now I don’t–not after hearing the music this group has to offer.  It’s not ground-breaking by any stretch of the imagination.  In fact, it very much follows a formula to put a jazzy, slightly disinterested female voice over backing instrumentals that border on sweeping and border on bouncy.  See Regina Spektor for more information.  Or Mirah.  Or Stars.  Or even Feist.  But there’s something to the hippie-cameraderie that Big Tree brings to their music.

Maybe it’s from years of hanging out in the van, but they sound like they’re having fun while making their music.   There’s something performative to their music, even in recordings.  You can hear it in the jouncy chorus line in “One Hundred and Four” or just every word of “Whale Song.”  For some reason, somewhere in my heart there’s a soft spot for such shenanigans.

So go ahead and listen.  It’ll be good.  And even if it isn’t, it’s not on any other blogs, as far as I can tell.  Furthermore, if you are a fan of the blog, you will tell yourself it is, just to justify your long devotion that has yielded little return.

Big Tree – One Hundred and Four (YSI)

Big Tree – Whale Song (YSI)

Big Tree – Whole Wide World (YSI)

Miss ya already

It was the summer of 2009. Everyone died. Seth McFarlane tried to make Family Guy among those deaths, but the American people showed their loyalty and continued to watch stubbornly despite its increasing idiocy. Meanwhile, the Animal Show was put very quietly on life support. For a while there we weren’t sure if Frosted Miniguns and the rest of the family was going to be able to pull through. My fellow writers and I waited anxiously in the sterile hallways of Internet Hospital; IcebergXC in his morbid obesity scooter, the 6-11 Marquis Meowmers squatting due to the low virtual height of the ceiling, Dave flitting in and out of visibility as he is wont to do, and Rookie of the Year David in his little incubator. (Because he’s a baby to the Show. Get it?) Meanwhile, I got my hand stuck in an ice machine, because I LOVE SCRUBS. But just then, when things looked bleakest, the Show got up on its confusingly metaphoric hind legs and stampeded through That Guy Who Directed Home Alone and Ferris Bueller’s Day Off Memorial Hospital, trampling all the decrepit websites on its whirlwind way out. And let me tell you, man, I was worried for a minute there. But, quoth Dumbledore (or someone similarly old and white): the night is always darkest before Batman shows up. Or something. So now, the reference you’ve been waiting for off and on since mid-July or so:

Aaaaand we’re baaack!

Though the 2009-2010 academic blogging year may be off to a bad start, what with the Jimmy Fallon skit link and all, I can promise you that the Animal Show is here to stay. Update your homepage, kids. This is about to be your one-stop shop for all the music your ears can take in. Which is to say I’m aiming for at least 3 posts a week. Luckily, I’ve got some extra help, because I’m officially taking little yellow Voldemort baby David out of his incubator and making him enough drink blood potion to resuscitate him, so that I’ll have to make myself confusingly half-dead to kill him, if I ever want to do that. But I would never want to kill David, because, as I said, he’s about to Run This Town.

And, with that deftly-incorporated reference, we’re back to talking about music. But before I address that catastrophuck, allow me to briefly comment on everything else that happened this summer, because I know you’ve been dying for more of my opinions. So, to wrap up:

The new Harry Potter movie sucked; Dirty Projectors are pretty cool; Michael Jackson is dead; “I Gotta Feelin” is the song of the summer (2 out of 5 Animal Show staffers agree!); Mad Men is a show I watch; Two-suit Spider Solitaire is hard, but a lot easier than four-suit Spider Solitaire; Chinatown is the filthiest place on earth, short of Trenton, NJ; E-603′s new album is pretty dope; President Bartlet has MS; Where the Wild Things Are will be enjoyable; It’s “The Climb,” ya’ll; I have seasonal allergies; IcebergXC is nicer in real life than in internet world.

I’ll almost certainly elaborate on several of those in the weeks to come, but for now, allow me to tell you what’s new:

Nothing.

It’s gonna be business as usual around these parts, albeit a much more frequent “business as usual.” I am considering taking the dramatic plunge from wordpress.com to wordpress.org, which would only mean webhosted mp3s as something new for you, but that’s none of your business. For now, just sit back, relax, and enjoy a few hand-picked songs from my summer, which are sure to be your new best friends.

If I Ever Feel Better – Phoenix (Mega) (YSI)

Kids (feat. MGMT) – Chiddy Bang (Mega) (YSI)

Sufjan performing the BQE suite at the Howard Gilman Opera House in Brooklyn, November 1, 2007

Most nights, I lay awake praying to the blue translucent ghost of Alec Guinness for a new Sufjan Stevens release. And he usually ignores me. But last night, sir Alec was generous. And this morning I received in my inbox a press release from Sufjan’s label, Asthmatic Kitty, announcing the release (at long last) of his monumental instrumental: 2007′s BQE tribute.

For those of you who are so worthless that you’ve forgotten some of the minutiae of Sufjan’s bizarre side-projects, allow me to refresh your memory: this was an instrumental tribute to the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway, complete with 3 simultaneously-screened super-8 videos which, if memory serves, Stevens himself shot.

I’m pumped, and not just because this CD/DVD release comes with a complementary Viewmaster reel. More because for 2 years I’ve been spinning the two movements of BQE I was able to find in my travels across the internet non-stop, and I’m glad that I’ll finally be able to complete the sets. Until then, teasers ho!

The BQE Movement 3 (Live on WNYC) – Sufjan Stevens (YSI)

The BQE Movement 6 (Live on WNYC) – Sufjan Stevens (YSI)

Read the news release, view the trailer, and preorder the thing here.

Greetings from the Scariest Place on Earth!

Last night, I had the good fortune to see Wilco at Coney Island’s Keyspan Park, home to the brilliantly-talented and usually-sober Brooklyn Cyclones. With new Show staffer David by my side, I blocked the view of everyone behind me, towering over the competition in a way I’m capable of doing when not standing next to the 6-6 behemoth Marquis Meowmers IV, which really heightened the experience. (Hoho!) Seriously, if you ever get a chance to be the tallest person at a concert, you should capitalize on it. It’s quite an experience. There’s nothing like making the 5-6 kid behind you furious. Or the 5-9 girl with the drunky-eyes who just elbowed her way to within 15 feet of the stage after arriving 30 minutes after the opener but, like, seriously dude, you’re so tall and she’s so short and why can’t you just trade places with her? And then you’re all like, hey lady, I’ve been here for 3 hours in the sun inhaling the Brooklyn barf that trails across from the boardwalk, and I totally hear you and all but I really have trouble seeing how that’s fair to any of the other 17000 people here who are shorter than I am. And the 5-9 girl whines that maybe if you worked a fucking job you wouldn’t have the time to stand out here for 3 hours and that’s why you should give her your spot. So you’re like, lady, keep insulting me and maybe I’ll have to go to the Port-a-Throne (Registered TM) and cry, leaving my spot for you, even though I have a job and it’s probably better than yours. And then David the Rookie (registered TM) is like, you should probably write about this, because it could be funny. So you do. With long, unedited sentences. All are great experiences, and I recommend them. But even if you can’t do all that, at least go see Wilco. And here’s why:

They rock as hard as anyone in rock right now. Period. Last night’s show was an almost 3-hour tour-de-force, coming in at 26 songs and featuring a few choice Indie Rock All Star guests, like the beautiful and talented Feist (joining for “You and I,” “California Stars,” and tambourine on “Hoodoo Voodoo”), Grizzly Bear’s Ed Droste (Vocals on “California Stars” and maracas on “Hoodoo Voodoo”), and all three of the members of Yo La Tengo, who opened for Wilco and then returned during Encore #1 for a raucous and rocking “Spiders (Kidsmoke).” The band is a tight, cohesive unit, and are note-perfect live, while still retaining their noisy daring. Glenn Kotche is one of the most energetic and phenomenal drummers I’ve had the opportunity to see, and I’m sure I don’t need to say anything about the brilliantly innovative Nels Cline.

However, no concert is without its flaws, and this one certainly had a couple. These flaws were mostly in song choice, though. And that’s not to say the setlist wasn’t good. In fact, they played a pretty awesome cross-section of their fantastic back catalog. I just wish they’d played more from 2001′s breathtaking Yankee Hotel Foxtrot, which is probably one of my 5 desert island albums. In particular, I had requested the rara avis “Magazine Called Sunset” on the Wilco site (they have a “request” feature, which is a fantastic idea), and was disappointed it didn’t make it into the show. But it was a long shot, and such is life. Lucky for you savvy readers, I’ve provided a few of my Wilco highlights below. Almost as good as the live experience, and all without having to peer over my tall, strong shoulders.

Heavy Metal Drummer (Live) – Jeff Tweedy (YSI)

From Sunken Treasure: Live in the Pacific Northwest

This version features the alternate verse “She lifted up her shirt/at the battle of the bands/he twirled his sticks/she helped him to his van,” which Tweedy sang last night, causing Rookie of the Year David‘s eyes to almost pop out of his head.

A Magazine Called Sunset – Wilco (YSI)

From the exclusive YHF-era EP, More Like the Moon. (I can help you find it, if you’re at a loss.)

Poor Places – Punch Brothers (YSI)

Recorded at their Daytrotter session, this may be the best version of this song I’ve ever heard. Better even than the original. That’s right — I went there. You know how much I love Chris Thile covers, and this is his finest, hands-down.

And if you like you see, turn off your tv and ZOOM!

Where you at??

Many of my childhood memories are comprised of the extravagant yet startlingly cheap buffet at Pizza Hut. What resulted was my “pizza gut” and “pizza butt” that Das Racist so eloquently speak of in their blazing hot single “Combination Pizza Hut & Taco Bell.” While many logical arguments can be made for why it is one of the worst disgraces to music since Billy Ray Cyrus, this song is undeniably a summer jam that can be blasted at beach BBQs, roller-rink dances, and trailerpark hootenannies, securing the much sought-after summer jam trifecta. I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I thought this song was a parody on first listen. Luckily for summer jams, profound and complicated lyrics are not integral to their success. I don’t think anyone has pulled an all-nighter studying the intricacies and depth of summer jams like “Who Let the Dogs Out” or “Bootylicious.” And while it may be at least two minutes too long, the synth on the Wallpaper remix is at the very least “chunkified” on Edward’s internationally-renowned chunk scale. If nothing else, this song will put you on the ground laughing and then make you dance senselessly.

Best served covered in Nacho Cheez Product:

Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell (Wallpaper Remix) – Das Racist (YSI)

B. Summars should probably give up his or her dream of being a professional M.J sketch artist.

Instead, I present to you a really really REALLY noisy 12 minute-long garage rock song from France Japan. If you like noise music and 60′s garage rock you will probably like the first 5 minutes of it and then wonder why anyone would play that bass riff for 12 minutes straight.

Les Rallizes Dénudés – Night of The Assassins (YSI)(Mediafire)

Cheers,

Marquis Meowmers IV

P.S

Yeah, I hide behind a pseudonym, what of it?

He was missed even before he died.

This was never the way it was supposed to end. One of music’s undeniable giants has passed on, leaving us for his reward in (fill in your own destination here). I won’t lie, my nose is running a little bit right now, and I think it may be sadness related. In Memoriam, I’d like to post a couple of songs that have been with me through some good times and also some other times that were pretty good too.

Let’s put on a strong face, using ComaR’s Billie Jean, My Love for support. Timbaland’s beat updates Michael’s timeless advice with an authority you’ll need to hear to feel. This is the only song I’ve ever been forced to play twice in a row at a party. She’s just a girl.

Billie Jean, My Love — ComaR (YSI)

Now let’s reverse the trend and take the classic beat from BJ and let Justice D.A.N.C.E. to it for awhile. Oh, C&C Music Factory pays some homage here as well. Thanks DJ Schmolli for keeping Michael d.a.n.c.ing for just a little longer, if only in our hearts.

Justice for Billie Jean — DJ Schmolli (YSI)

No point in beating Billie Jean (regardless of the claims she may make) when there’s Beat It. This time DJ Gizmo lays TI’s lyrical threats in lieu of MJ’s over the Beat It beat with great success, and Divide and Kreate picks up what Gizmo left out, pairing MJ’s threats with the psuedo-regretful strains of Hive’s Hate to Say I Told You So. This track in particular sounds like a good fit to me.

Michael Jackson vs. TI — DJ Gizmo (YSI)

I Told You to Beat It — Divide and Kreate (YSI)

Second to last, but certainly not second to least, we have DJ Gizmo yet again pairing MJ’s tunes with a new vocalist, this time Lady GaGa gets the Thriller treatment. Now you finally have something to play at Halloween besides Monster Mash.

Lady Gaga vs. Michael Jackson — DJ Gizmo (YSI)

In closing I’m putting this increasingly sentimental mash with Soul VI that I already had in my “To Be Blawged” folder. I freaking dare you not to sniffle when Michael playfully asks you “I dunno, what you wanna try?”. Yes, Mr. Jackson, I do remember when we fell in love. And it still is heaven.

Do You Remember (Michael Jackson vs. Soul VI) — DJ Gizmo (YSI)

wow it’s Gizmo again dude probably won’t stop crying all weekend. poor guy

The Show is an open-arms kind of community, so feel free to seek  solace from each other in the comments. It’s a tough time, guys, and we’re stronger together than alone.

According to early reports, Michael Jackson has suffered a cardiac arrest today in his home in California. He was dead upon the arrival of paramedics. Despite the questionable personal choices Jackson may have made in his lifetime, he was a musical pioneer and genius. Pop music is more indebted to him than could easily be put into words, so we’ll let Michael show you himself.

I Want You Back – Jackson 5 (YSI)

Man in the Mirror – Michael Jackson (YSI)

Will You Be There? – Michael Jackson (YSI)